No, I'm not dead.


Hey all,


I haven't been on here since like October...dang. Things have been kinda crazy around here as usual. Uh, my eating disorder is out in the open now as far as doctors go. Yeah. And of course my mom still gave her whole "you don't have an eating disorder" speech when all of this started happening. See, when everything went down with Ashley and her family I relapsed hard and got down to 96 pounds. My doctor had said a few months before that she didn't want to see me below 110. Anyway (I think I may have already mentioned this) my therapist told me if I didn't set up an appointment with my primary doctor to discuss my eating disorder then she would be caling her for me out of concern for my health. I went and we talked a lot, she was really sweet. No surprise, my iron was down but not as bad as it's been in the past (which isn't saying much since I've literally been at zero before, no joke) so I'm on iron pills again but this time they're just OTC ones. My doctor said if it drops anymore than we'll have to do iron transfusions. She referred me to a psychologist in the same building that my therapist is in. Honestly, I didn't care for him. He seemed like a kiss-ass, like he was being overly-nice to me to get me to like him. That didn't sit well with me. When he was looking at my chart and the notes from my therapist he said something like, "I see you've been institutionalized, can you tell me about that?" Ummmm, what the fuck? I've never, ever, been admitted into a mental hospital. I went in for an evaluation when I was a freshman in High School when all of that legal drama was happening with the school district and it hit the papers because my parents were worried it was going to send me into some mental breakdown or whatever. But I was never admitted, observed, nor was I ever put on any medication by them. So I said, "What? I've never been institutionalized." He said, "Well it looks like it was a long time ago, like you were maybe in fourth grade or so". Again I shook my head, "Absolutely not, I think I'd remember something like that. And there definitely would have been no reason for it when i was that young." He nodded and said, "Okay, I'm sure it's just a mistake in your file", but he said it in one of those "I still don't believe you but I'm going to say I do to make you shut up" condescending tones and it really pissed me off. 

When I saw my therapist I told her I was a little mad at her and that there was a discrepancy in her notes that I needed out of my file immediately. When I told her what happened she looked really confused and said, "I know you were never institutionalized, there's never been a reason for you to be". I said, "I know that. But there must be something in my file that leads him to believe that I was because he didn't believe me". She looked all through my file and couldn't find anything and said she would be speaking with him to set the record straight since it clearly upset me. Anyway, the guy changed my anti-depressant to Zoloft and I think it's been helping so it's all good. Still don't like him though. 


While things aren't great for me right now, there is a bit of awesome news. But this post is already getting fairly lengthy, so I'll write a follow-up post.

Later all.

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