And so begins the new chapter

It's taken me a few days to get this written, as in I've been writing it for a few days (not that it's taken me a while to log in to the site to start writing it). So I apologize if this runs a bit long. The first few bits are about my last week(ish) at my job, and the last part is about meeting with a therapist. Just so you know.

Last Wednesday, the 23rd, was my last day of working for Ashley, and I didn't even know it until halfway through the day. I knew it was my last week with the boys, but I thought my last day would be Friday. Halfway through the day Ashley casually mentioned something about her not being sure if she'd even be in the office that day due to finishing packing for the Colorado trip and I said, "Wait, so today's my last day?" She hugged me and said, "Yeah, but we'll see you at church in a few weeks." I love Ash dearly, but a little advanced notice would have been nice. Aside from that and the boys' Dad picking up Ben a little early for some one-on-one time, it was one of my favorite days of summer with the boys. During iPad time with Ben he was playing the new Monkey Preschool Explorers game we had downloaded on Monday and he noticed the icon for a new Monkey Preschool app, MonkeyMath, on the game's homepage. Of course he clicked on it, opening the app store, and looked at me with those big blue eyes and sweet grin and said, "Murwissa can we pwease play this one?" I looked at the $2.99 app and wondered if it was over his head. But how could I say no when my favorite four year old was asking me to download an educational game? So of course I downloaded the game. A few seconds later Ben was squealing with delight as we checked out the app. It ended up being a wonderful app. Ben's never had any experience with addition and subtraction, but it's in the game. The whole game has to do with numbers and patterns. A few minutes after showing him how to count it out on his fingers he did a subtraction problem and got it right. I was so proud of him, I thought my heart was going to explode with pride. "BB!" I exclaimed, "Do you know how smart you are!? You did it all by yourself and you got it right!" Y'all, I cannot accurately describe the amount of joy and excitement that was on Benjamin's face in that moment. He was glowing, grinning ear to ear, and kept wrapping his arms around my neck. So much joy in that moment. A few minutes later he did an addition problem all by himself, no help from me, and got it right. And of course we celebrated the same way as before. Ashley came in the living room to see what the commotion was about and Ben couldn't wait to show her the game, "Mommy, look! I got it right!" he said. Have I mentioned how much pure joy was etched on that sweet boy's face? Jeff came by a few minutes later to pick up Ben and BB was so focused on the game he barely said hi to his Dad. When he finally acknowledged Jeff it was only to show him the game haha. And then he wanted to show him the Monkey Preschool Safari game we had downloaded on Monday so Jeff could see the chinchilla. Yep, we learned a new word on Monday, "chinchilla". Love watching that sweet boy learn! Ben left with Jeff and then a short time later Timothy woke up from his nap. We spent the last couple of hours of the day cuddled up in the recliner watching Toy Story. Love these sweet moments. I've decided to write a secondary post about my gifts to Ashley and Marilyn, since this one is already getting a tad long, so see the next post please after this one :).

When I got in my car at the end of the day, I completely broke. I couldn't stop crying. Literally. When I got home I just curled up in a ball on my bed and the tears kept coming. All three of the dogs got up in my bed with me (I've been keeping Molly while Marilyn's in Colorado) and didn't leave. That's odd for our blue heeler, Willow, she'll never come in my room, much less lay on my bed with me, unless I have food. Guess she knew I was upset. Pretty sure I cried off and on all day Thursday, Friday, and Saturday too. 

So this past Monday I had an appointment with my old therapist. I thought the last time I saw her was in High School, but it turns out it was actually Junior High. Wow. She was sweet as always, but I definitely felt a bit awkward. I think I mostly talked about my job, the depression, and my panic attacks. Oh, and I vaguely mentioned the eating disorder. So how did it go? Well, she scheduled me to come back for another session in two weeks if that tells you anything. Right before the session ended she said, "I noticed you didn't really mention any friends..." Well, shit. Next session should be fun. I didn't mention any friends because pretty much the whole session I was talking about the stress and emotion of my job ending. And, also, I'm your typical introvert who prefers to be left alone most of the time. 

Oh! One more thing. So I've been stalking the website like, well, a creep and I have "applied" for numerous job postings. Except for the one couple I met with back in June, none ever responded. My friend Hannah, who got her summer nanny job through the site, said that for every five or six postings she inquired about she maybe only heard back from two of them, one being the family she's working for. So that made me feel better. Anyway so I get text alerts anytime there's a new job posted so I can immediately look at it. A new one was posted yesterday, for a family with a two month old girl looking for a part-time nanny. Sweet! The mother had the hourly wage range set at $15-$25/hr, even better! I sent her a message letting her know I was a nanny for the past year for two boys and that I was interested in getting more information about her job posting. She responded an hour later! She said they could work around my school schedule, and she's supposed to call me later today to set up a time to meet for Monday afternoon/evening. So excited and I'm praying this job works out.

So now begins a new chapter. I'm thankful for the past year with Ash, Marilyn, and the boys, and I'm thankful they'll continue to be a part of my life. I'm terrified about what's going to happen next for me, but I take at least some comfort in knowing that God is in control and with Him I will not fail.

Until next time, kiddos (well, I'm about to write a follow up post sooooo). Later all. 




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